So, back to work. I've been charged with doing just two days' work this week. Two days - that's all. And yet I am struggling after 6 hours of day one. Jaysus wept, it's hard. I can't concentrate at all. It's not clear why this should be; I slept well last night. Oh, I know what it is: I'm bored incontinent.
And while that sounds like an overstatement, it isn't. Scientists have irrefutable proof that tedium is detrimental to the health, and can in fact kill. Firstly it causes alpha-wave state, like being hypnotised or super-pissed. Then the subject lapses into a persistent vegetative state (like an under-achieving turnip), and finally the heart beats so slowly that it loses internal pressure and flops over like a squid on an escalator. Then you've had it. Medical fact.
The trouble with tiresome work is that the temptation is to take one's slapped-arse expression home with one. Then you have a miserable evening, notwithstanding the fact that you're not actually at work. Great Scott! Then all is lost. You might as well fill your socks with Blu-Tack and leap off Beachy Head if you get to this stage.
The thing to do is to nip it in the knackers, as Malcolm Tucker so memorably put it. Speed home and perform some trivial domestic chore to the best of your abilities. It really works, this. Why not iron your pants for example? It's probably as well to remove them first.
I feel inspired all of a sudden.
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