As I've stated before in these pages, I cycle to work. To avoid upsetting my workplace neighbours, then, I have a shower in the gym in the office prior to beginning my meagre duties.
This morning, as I was running a little late, I spotted a chap whom I hadn't seen before down there. So far, so ordinaire. I noticed he was very tanned, as if he'd just stepped off the plane from Gran Canaria or Florida. As he stripped off to abulute, I noticed he was tanned all over. But something didn't look quite right. His tan was a little too good.
He was the colour of builder's tea from head to toe. The were no tide marks on him at all. He was covered in nut-brown skin in all directions. There wasn't an aperture or crevice on his not insubstantial chassis that wasn't tanned right up to the event horizon. Presumably he'd paid some unfortunate immigrant to intimately apply the creosote for him. He was a big chap, and didn't look flexible enough to have slapped it on, himself.
Are people really so impoverished that they have to do things like this for a living? It's 2014, ferchrissakes. Also, what's the thinking behind getting your perineum painted brown? Is it supposed to make one irresistible to women? Even if it did, they're not the kind of women you want to introduce to you mother, are they? Great Scott - people died defending this sceptred isle...and for what? For the liberty to do *THAT* to oneself? The brain fcuking boggles at times.
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