East End Style Geezerism

Money is a big deal in the horse world (Quelle surprise). If the people where I work are not actually piddling greenbacks up the wall backing nags, they're talking about it at some length. There was a protracted discussion in the office today about London slang terms for amounts of cash.

Most British readers will be familiar with the expressions "pony" (£50) and "monkey" (£500). Anyone brought up in the UK will have heard them a million times. But have you heard of a "macaque" (£11)? Or better still an "otter", which apparently is an old east end term for £8.50. It wasn't made clear why one might need a one-word, handy shorthand for this arcane amount. If I find out, I'll let you know.

And...they're off

Now that I'm working at the coalface of the horse-racing world, I've become acutely aware of how poorly the wretched beasts are named. It's always "Qango Crackers in the 4.10" or "Jamestown Quimty on the stand side". If I owned a racehorse, I'd give it a solid name like Eddie or Justin. I'm sure the punters would appreciate that. Even if Eddie was little more than an outrageously ambitious donkey, people would know he'd given of his best in each race.

He'd be the Bryan Robson of national hunt racing, constantly picking up injuries in his valiant bids to catch an actual horse. Yes, he's clumsy. No, he's not the brightest. But you can't question his commitment. Come on, Eddie, the people's champion.

Unfortunately, Justin developed a headache and had to be destroyed. Still it helps encourage the others. Oh, don't look at me like that. You can't make a omelette without euthanizing livestock. Everyone knows that.